I just had a brilliant idea after a to-and-fro with @wonky_donky and @CMRLee on Twitter.
Why the hell hasn't Panini done a "Panini yourself" iPhone app for the World Cup?
It would be simplicity itself. Take a pic of yourself or a friend, select a hairstyle (mullet, naturally), tracksuit (Denmark '78), generate a suitably European name (Marcus Pinshofster), send it to your mates.
(New social media catchphrase. Just watch, everyone will be using it soon.)